Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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