Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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