Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
