Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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