OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
