We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
