She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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