So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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