got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
