the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
