They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
