youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
