If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
