ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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