Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
