New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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