Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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