The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
