My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
