We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
