he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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