Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
