one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
