my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
