Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
