Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
