Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
