i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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