the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need to calm my uterus...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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