How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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