i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
