A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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