happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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