Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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