I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
