Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
