Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
