am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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