a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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