I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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