the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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