I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this boner is exhausting
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
