i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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