sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
