I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
