she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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