i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
