just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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