so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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