I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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